Libretto
On a dark stage, a TV news-flash interrupts:
We pardon the interruption of your program with this News Flash.
A giant asteroid is about to hit earth. Ten minutes left before impact...
and now back to our regularly scheduled program.
After a split second pause, the Prelude begins and panic is seen in the background.
Scene 1: The Bar
A bar with people sitting around drinking and chatting. Pretty normal looking, no one is panicking or upset. At the bar Figaro is attempting small talk with the bartender who is clearly not interested.
Figaro: (matter of factly)
I heard that the asteroid is pretty big.
Bartender:
(deadpan & not very interested)
Yup.
Figaro:
They say it is as large as the one
that got the dinosaurs.
Apparently it snuck up on us.
Bartender:
Yup.
Figaro:
The government said they thought it was a piece of Cold War space junk.
Too bad about the Earth.
It was such a good planet.
Bartender:
Yup.
Figaro: (Melodramatic)
If only I could share these last moments with someone special.
Figaro stands up, full of emotion unaware he is making a small scene, everyone in the bar turns and looks at him. Figaro sits back down, rather disgruntled & embarrassed.
Figaro gradually gets more and more angry. We can see him fuming by the end of the line.
Figaro:
It has always been so hard for me to meet new women, and not have them think I am a complete ass.
Bartender:
Yup… I mean would you like a Guinness. I believe that makes one hundred different beers in nine months and an official member of the centurion club.
Figaro:
Well, I guess so.
Better late than never….
No need to worry about a hangover.
Bartender:
Nope.
Figaro:
These last moments with a pint of stout.
What a pity .
Figaro, don’t pout.
That girl looks like my lost true love I fear. If only Carmen Capulet where near. I might as well drink my beer.
Grand Pause
GP except for bar noises, people talking and in the background on the jukebox is REM "It’s the end of the world as we know it." Figaro sits sipping his drink when eventually across the bar, he recognizes the woman. Figaro & Carmen think they recognize one another.
Scene 2 Duet: Could That Be?
Figaro:
Could that be Carmen?
Carmen:
Could that be Figaro?
Figaro:
That’s not Carmen?
Carmen:
That’s not Figaro?
Carmen & Figaro:
Maybe it is? Maybe it’s not
Figaro:
Could that be Carmen?
Carmen:
Could that be Figaro?
Figaro:
Carmen it’s you!
Carmen:
Figgy it’s you!
Figaro:
How is it so?
Carmen:
How is it so?
Figaro:
Why only now?
Carmen:
Why only now?
Figaro & Carmen:
Yes it is! Yes it is I!
Carmen! Figaro!
Figaro:
Carmen!
Carmen:
Figaro!
Scene 3 Duet: It’s Been Years
Figaro & Carmen:
It has been years since we’ve held each other. It’s tears that we have shed over one another. The fears evaporate after all these years! I came here alone for beers, but Fate has brought us together again. It has been years since I’ve last held my love.
Carmen:
Oh Figaro, it’s so good to see you!
Figaro:
Yes, you too my Carmen, my lost love!
Carmen:
So, what have you been doing all of these years.
Figaro:
A little of this, a little of that.
You know, the same old, same old.
Carmen:
Oh Figaro, I just want you to know, that I have always loved you and I have always wanted us to be together.
Scene 4: The Fight
Figaro:
Oh really, even when you had that affair with that bullfighter Escamillo Almaviva, from the kin of the sworn enemies of my family!?!
Carmen:
Well Mr. Perfect, At least I didn’t try to seduce Suzuki, the maid’s eldest daughter by sending her an anonymous letter through our mutual friend Wozzek or that tramp Mimi. Not to mention everyone else!
Like Suzzana, and Pamina,
and Rosina, and Aida…
Figaro:
Not to mention everyone else!
What about, Romeo, Bartolo,
Tamino, Marcello!
Figaro & Carmen:
(Figaro) Pinkerton, Florestine, Eisenstein, Rodolfo!
(Carmen) What of Julliet, Frasquita, Museta, Samina!
Carmen:
What about Suzzana, Pamina,
Rosina, Aida, Julliet, Frasquita, Antoinette, Museta!
Figaro:
Zuniga,
Carmen:
Samina,
Figaro:
Nick Shadow,
Carmen:
Elvira,
Figaro:
Orlovsky,
Carmen:
Beatrice,
Figaro:
Marullo,
Carmen:
Marschalin,
Figaro & Carmen:
(Figaro) Romeo, Bartolo, Tamino, Marcello, Pinkerton, Florestine, Eisenstein, Rodolfo!
(Carmen) Suzzana, Pamina, Rosina, Aida, Julliet, Frasquita, Antoinette, Museta!
Carmen:
I can’t believe this,
How could you do this!
Figaro:
I can’t believe this,
How could you do this!
Figaro & Carmen:
(Figaro) Romeo, Bartolo, Tamino, Marcello, Pinkerton, Florestine, Eisenstein, Rodolfo!
(Carmen) You oaf! You Creep! You Bum! You Schmuck!
Carmen:
I can’t believe this,
How could you do this!
Figaro:
I can’t believe this,
How could you do this!
Carmen:
Not I! It’s you!
Figaro:
Not I! It’s you!
Carmen:
You Men!
Figaro:
You Women!
Figaro, Carmen & Chorus
(chorus optional):
(Figaro) Romeo, Bartolo, Tamino, Marcello, Pinkerton, Florestine, Eisenstein, Rodolfo!
(Carmen) Suzzana, Pamina, Rosina, Aida, Julliet, Frasquita, Antoinette, Museta!
(Chorus) You Men! You Women!
Carmen & Figao:
How could you do this to me?!
Carmen storms off in a fit of rage
Scene 5: The Bar
Figaro watches Carmen storm off. He shrugs his shoulders, sits back down at his stool at the bar and orders another drink. He tries to pick up the small talk again with the bartender again, who is still clearly not interested.
Figaro:
I heard that the asteroid is pretty big.
Bartender:
Yup.
Figaro:
They say it is as large as the one that got the dinosaurs. Too bad about the Earth. It was such a good planet…
The asteroid arrives...
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Blackout
|
listen to the audio recording 
